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I'll try to change the poll every week...
This Week's Poll: The Beard
As of late, my good friend Zach has been growing a beard. Public reaction towards his facial hair has ranged from utter disgust (primarily from his mother) to a sense of admiration from guys who are unable to attain any semblence of facial hair (myself, for example). This week's poll is centered around Zach's beard, which henceforth will be given the name, "The Beard." You, the audience will judge The Beard in the hope to either sway Zach to shave it off or keep it. To help your decision-making process, I've included the following photos of Zach. And since this site attempts to come off as a humor site, I've picked the worst possible pictures I can find.
Here's Zach without The Beard. For clarification, Zach is the male in the picture, not the cute half-Asian girl. As you can see in the photo, his innocent, hairless look much resembles an 8-year-old boy who just recently received his first Nintendo system on Christmas morning. On top of that, his ensemble -- coupled with his blank stare and creepy smile -- is that of a certifiably mentally-ill trucker. You know, the type that picks up hitch-hikers, anally rapes them, and leaves their strangled bodies at rest stops (of course, that's a regular hobby of Zach's). Now I'm not too sure what the hell he's looking at, to be honest. Then again, he's profoundly intoxicated in the picture.
Here's Zach with The Beard. Again, he's beyond wasted in the picture because, quite frankly, I can never find a photo of him when he's sober. As you can see in this one, he can easily be mistaken as a dock worker... if that dock worker was also a regular patron at Studio 54. The wispy I-can't-seem-to-let-it-fully-grow mustache is a trademark to his Hispanic heritage, and The Beard itself can be used to scrub hard-to-remove red sauce off of casserole dishes. Certaintly, The Beard makes him look more of a dirty, hard-boiled, drunken, and an all-around scruffy fuck-mook, but Zach is Zach is Zach...
[ previous polls ]
ZOMBIES
I suppose it'd be more fitting to ask how school's going for each of you, but that would be too predictable. Instead, if the world were overran by the undead, which side would you choose?
Well, if the undead are the majority then I want to be a zombie. (The Undead) (2) 15%
Alive... and fleeing. (0) 0%
I like being different and having unresolved issues, so alive and blasting away the undead with a sawed-off shotgun. (Alive and Violent) (10) 76%
Im driunk!11 (0) 0%
I love school! (Alive and Idiotic) (1) 7%
UIUC VS. PURDUE, ROUND 1
In lieu of the evidence presented in the first installment of the UIUC vs. Purdue article and the comments in the Photos Section, which is a better place: U of I or Purdue?
U of I, I-L-L! I-N-I! (the worst cheer ever) (10) 33%
Purdue, BOILER UP! (whatever the hell that means) (8) 26%
Neither, dammit. My school can beat the living shit out of those redneck zestpools. Go, [insert mascot]! (5) 16%
Uh, school? Dude, I don't even go to college. Go, Burger King! (1) 3%
Stop these petty arguments, and let's have a drink. Phil's paying. Go, Phil! 20%
SUMMER
So it's summer. Hawt or nawt? (interpret "hawt" anyway you like it, from temperature to level of enjoyment to the overall sexiness of the season)
HAWT :D (19) 65%
NAWT D: (10) 34%
FAVORITE MAIN PAGE BANNER
Again I am am lacking creativity in this week's poll. Regardless, I'm sure most of you high-speed broadband visitors have noticed the large lag times (20 seconds tops) when loading the main page. Honestly, if you're that impatient, heaven forbid I should take away the precious, precious time you're signicantly utilizing on the internet. Sarcasm aside, which of the main page banners is your favorite? Click to see the banners.
Classic Sunglass Woman (0) 0%
Hat Dude (1) 5%
Dark Woman (1) 5%
Monkey Girl (2) 11%
Gun Guy (0) 0%
Windy Woman (1) 5%
*The Twins (7) 41%
The Drunks (2) 11%
Bird Woman (3) 17%
BATTLE OF THE CRACKA-LACKAS
I once had a conversation with my cousin Reena about what she looks for in a guy. Well, truthfully she likes white guys over Filipino ones. No, she isn't a racist like Mike. Ever since this conversation, I've tried setting up my single white friends with her but to no avail. So here we are today, and I'm currently fresh out of ideas for a new poll. In a poor attempt to entertain the female audience (perhaps Andre, too) and feed the egos of my cracka friends, I present to you this: WHICH ONE OF MY WHITE DUDE FRIENDS IS THE BEST LOOKING? You have your choice of 8 okay-looking specimens... Yeah, I'm creatively exhausted...
*Aaron (51) 18%
Chris (37) 13%
Cyrus (27) 9%
Dave (27) 9%
Duder (28) 9%
Jeff (36) 12%
Mark (48) 16%
Mike (29) 10%
IS HE DRUNK?
For the first time I have witnessed Chris openly want to drink. Pigs proceeded to fly, Satan had to put on a pea-coat, and Michael Jackson turned black. At any rate, Chris had quite a few drinks (more than me, if you can imagine that) in addition to an insane amount of caffeine. So was he drunk (or buzzing as he puts it, as he was dancing to 80's love ballads) or just a retard? You decide.
"Buzzing" (or drunk) (12) 50%
Retarded (12) 50%
END OF THE SEMESTER
So who the hell is sick of school yet?
HELL YEAH! FUCK SCHOOOOOOL! (80) 62%
NOOOOOOOOO! I LOOOOOVE! SCHOOOOOOL! (23) 17%
I think I've lost it, so let's go to Urbanana (25) 19%
COOLEST/SEXIEST BUTTON
Which of the following is the coolest/sexiest button? And no, if you're a guy and you pick a dude's button there's no need to question your sexuality... unless, of course, you're Cyrus.
City (1) 1%
Ocean (1) 1%
Beer (13) 18%
Blue Sky (19) 26%
Downpour (17) 23%
Pulse Beat (2) 2%
Overdrive (18) 25%
SHOULD PHIL DRINK THIS FRIDAY?
You guys get to play the devil and angel on my shoulder this week.
Purdue's Grand Prix week is a non-stop, sexy drunkfest that culminates on the weekend of April 25th and 26th. Now all my friends are encouraging me to get drunk this Friday and for the following reasons:
1) Coincidentally, it's my birthday.
2) After last year's minor consumption charge, I'm off alcohol-probation that very day.
3) I'm leaving Purdue for good.
4) It's Grand Prix; everyone's doing it.
Although they make a decent point, I've been abstaining from alcohol for almost two weeks now, and I intend to continue my complete sobriety for the rest of the semester. Let's just say that not only do I want to "cleanse my soul," but I want to know if I truly have the ability to control myself and fight off temptation and peer pressure. Even though this poll has no bearing on my final decision, what do you think?
Yuh, you should get drunk one last time. (1286) 40%
Nope, you're doing well sober. (1927) 59%
SNORTING RITALIN
College is all about expanding your horizons and reaching new levels. So, uh, what's your take on snorting Ritalin?
Hey, it's safer than crack. (14) 22%
Dude, you're like so dancing with Death. (43) 70%
Ritalin?! C'mon, I want some! I got this huge exam tomorrow! (1) 1%
Man, I'm so stoned/drunk to answer this question... CANDYBAR!!! (3) 4%
GREEK SYSTEM II
With the recent post I wrote, which would be a viable reason for me joining the Greek System?
The alcohol, what else do you need? (2) 4%
Sluts, Frat Rats, and Sorority Whores = a lot of dirty, unprotected sex (1) 2%
Because every GBW graduate has, and you're a follower (6) 12%
Those communal showers are appealing... (30) 62%
Hazing, because being treated like shit is great (0) 0%
The connections, like the Mafia except with A&F and booze (6) 12%
STOP THE WAR IN IRAQ!!! WOOO! (3) 6%
WE WANT THE FUNK!
When Mark and I first visited Jeff at UIUC, we went inside his dorm room and were overwhelmed by this rather unpleasant blast of something. I visit him a week later, and the stench still lingered. Ever since then I named Jeff's smell "The Funk," and played George Clinton's "We Want the Funk" over and over again on his computer. Now neither Mark or myself could determine The Funk's origin or what it smelled like. In fact, many of Jeff's other friends neglected to inform him of the existence of The Funk, perhaps out of sheer respect or fear. Although Jeff, being the hippy-Indie-frat-boy that he is, bought incense to chase away the dreaded Funk, it still begs the question: WHO BROUGHT THE FUNK??? I deduced it to three possibilities...
Jeff's cool British roommate and his pile of laundry near his desk. (28) 38%
Jeff's pillow. (17) 23%
Just Jeff (and his avaricious alcoholic tendencies). (27) 37%
SPRING BREAK
Spring break is coming around the corner, and since I'm such a curious bastard, what are your plans?
Going somewhere tropical and getting trashed beyond belief. (9) 26%
Getting trashed beyond belief, regardless of the location or reason. (0) 0%
Obtaining some venereal disease from one of the 6 drunken anonymous partners you fucked last night. (2) 5%
Going home, because I am either poor or boring. (9) 26%
Visiting another campus to experience what it's like to be drunk in an entirely different atmosphere. (10) 29%
Going to another city, because I like the cold and I wanna get as far away from any place endorsed by MTV. (1) 2%
I GOT INTO UIUC!!!! CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!!! (3) 8%
VALENTINE'S DAY
It's Valentine's Day, so it's time for another obligatory themed poll. How are you going to spend this years Valentine's Day?
Alone, dealing with the crushing loneliness of rejection. (6) 2%
Analyzing your faults to find the reason why you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend. (2) 0%
Drowning your depression with a bottle of Jack Daniels and some tylenol. (62) 27%
With a gun, taking your sexual frustrations out on anyone who remotely pisses you off. (3) 1%
Living in complete fear, anxious that the crazy stalker is waiting outside to chloroform you and lock you in his/her basement. (0) 0%
I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!111 ...where's my Prozac...? (154) 67%
CUZ I WAS BORED
My creativity is absolutely zapped now, partly because returning to school had caused a relapse in my never-ending battle against chronic fatigue syndrome. Speaking of school, I guess it's time for a whole lot of my crew to get plastered beyond belief now that the semester has renewed itself for reckless and dangerous behavior. So of all the Bluegoomba.com "personalities" (and I use the term loosely), who would be the King and Queen of Alcoholic Substance Abuse?
Phil (8) 0%
Andre (506) 15%
Ashish (6) 0%
Christian (3) 0%
Cyrus (40) 1%
Eric (1) 0%
Jeff (278) 8%
Jen (13) 0%
Mark (166) 5%
Marvin (1) 0%
Mike (320) 9%
Reena (1) 0%
Suz (23) 0%
Tori (287) 8%
Duder (1665) 50%
MUSIC REVIEW
Yesterday I spent over $60 on CD's. This prompts me to write a review, but of all the new CDs I own, which one do you want to me judge and critique? Oh yeah, and remember you can vote multiple times, as with any of the other polls...
Coldplay's "A Rush of Blood to the Head" (3) 6%
Doves' "Lost Souls"/"The Last Broadcast" (3) 6%
Sigur Ros' "( )" (0) 0%
Tori Amos' "Scarlet's Walk" (1) 2%
Jimmy Eat World's "Static Prevails"/"Clarity" (0) 0%
Wilco's "Summerteeth"/"Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" (2) 4%
The Flaming Lips' "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" (0) 0%
I never heard of these bands... I AM A TOTAL LOSER!!! (41) 82%
NEW YEAR'S
I'll get straight to the point: How are you all gonna spend your New Year's?
Drunk. (0) 0%
Drunk. (0) 0%
Drunk. (0) 0%
...alone... (1) 20%
Sober. (1) 20%
Phil, give it up! I think you should start drinking again... (3) 60%
Drunk. (0) 0%
CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
Christmas is just around the corner, and the malls are packed with eager shoppers waiting to overcharge their credit cards to buy presents for people who will eventually return these gifts with secrecy and disgust. Anyway, since the only thing I want for Christmas is something I can't have (*dim the lights and que the melodramatic violin*), I will live vicariously through the visitors. So what do you guys want for Christmas (I know you each have your own desires, but I like limiting the choices given to you. Strengthens my iron grip of love...)?
A NEW CAR! (Keep dreaming, to-anyone-who-doesn't-live-in-Glen-Ellyn) (1) 12%
Coal. (1) 12%
An over/undersized pink-striped sweater. (0) 0%
A new sex doll (ie, a Real Doll.) (1) 12%
Toys, cuz I'm a kid but I shouldn't be reading sites with mature content, or at least crappy content like this one. (1) 12%
I HATE CHRISTMAS (at least until you are visited by three spectres or see those lowly village bastards still celebrate without gifts that you stole.) (1) 12%
Alcohol, because there always seems to be an alcohol-related option. (3) 37%
Homies! THEY FUCKIN ROCK!!!!! (0) 0%
Nothing, because I am training to give away all my possessions. (0) 0%
Nothing, because I am Jewish. (0) 0%
Nothing, because I am Muslim. (0) 0%
Nothing, because I am other. (0) 0%
FINALS
Finals are soon fast approaching. How are you going to prepare?
Screaming in a panicked terror. (14) 10%
Boozing it up to kill off the brain cells. (26) 20%
Studying like the good nerd you are. (17) 13%
Chain-smoking like no tomorrow. (3) 2%
Seducing your instructor to get the better grade. (1) 0%
Fuck finals! (10) 7%
Wait, I'm in college...? Whoa... (57) 44%
HALLOWEEN EDITION, GREATEST FEAR
Since Halloween is fast approaching, this week's poll will have a theme to it. Now I'm sure each of us have some terrible fear, albeit be a fear of death or a fear of Pepto Bismal. Regardless of your own phobia, which of the following things would scare you so much that you'd shat in you pants?
A ghost coming out of your mirror. 0%
Jenjenjojojenolalaladingdong coming out your mirror. 21%
Ghostly Roman Legionnaire w/o eyes speaking Latin in deep voice. 0%
Answering door to silent ragged spectre. 2%
Mysterious footsteps running down hall/stairs. 15%
Nosferatu! 18%
Waking up drunk to find self in tub of ice and liver cut out. 5%
Waking up next to some fugly fat chick. 7%
Picking up some girl (thinking prostitute) & she disappears. 0%
Serial killer invading your dreams. 0%
Spending a night in supposedly haunted house/asylum/factory. 0%
Taking a shower and a bloody ghost is standing behind to you. 13%
Zombies trying to eat your brain and/or skin. 5%
Zombies trying to dance with Michael Jackson. 5%
Vincent Price; that dude's just fucking creepy. 5%
HAWT OR NAWT?
Christian: HAWT OR NAWT?
Hotter than my mom. 7%
Not hotter than my mom. 64%
Mom? 28%
THE GREEK SYSTEM
All my stupid friends are now part of the Greek system. Now I don't find anything particularly wrong with them pledging/rushing at a Frat or Sore (yeah, read this). In fact, a lot of them are fine, decent people. I just dislike the idea of anyone being more popular than every other goddamn person on campus. I mean, God, are we in high school again? Hm, but if I were to partake in the Greek system I guess that would make me a hypocrite, eh? Shit. Oh well. What do you think?
I'm Greek, and I'm a scrot. 35%
I think the Greek system is okay, I guess, but I'm a scrot. 11%
I like their golden stream of endless booze; I'm a drunk scrot. 0%
Any system is flawed and so are the Greeks. BTW, I'm a scrot. 41%
I'm just a scrotum. 11%
BUYING BOOZE
Uh, which do you all prefer? This just isn't for me but for all those who wish to partake in college social activities. Email me if you have any other preference. Oh yeah, and I am looking for something with a bit more class and sophistication than a case of beer. *shakes head*
Kahlua: 40%
Bailey's Irish Cream: 13%
Other: 4%
I dunno, do I look like a boozehound? 13%
Yes, I am a boozehound. 27%
ZIGGA-ZIGGAH!
One day I was sitting in front of my computer one day and thought to myself, "Whoa, what the fuck happened to the Spice Girls?" Now I really could care less what happened to those plastic Fem-Nazis, in spite of the fact that I downloaded "2 become 1" in a shameful-yet-kinda-nostalgic-and-it-sounds-decent kind of way. Since I brought up the subject, which is your favorite Spice Girl?
Baby Spice, because I like fug-ugly manchilds who dress up like Barbie and have large racks: 4%
Ginger Spice, because I like 50-year-old chicks who were smart enough to leave a sinking ship, only to realize to drown alone and sagging: 48%
Scary Spice, because she reminds me of some vampiric feline waiting to steal my children at night: 4%
Sporty Spice, because I like dykes who have the least bit of talent and the least bit of sex appeal: 8%
Posh Spice, because she reminds me of a Glen Ellyner who had a botched face-lift and looks like a perpetual stone-cold bitch: 16%
I hate you, Phil, for forcing us to vote in this weeks poll. This is supposed to be a democracy, you fascist. I hope you die, but I wanna have sex with Ricky Martin mad style: 20%
WHAT THE HELL?
While getting some stuff from my backyard, I looked down at some patch of dirt and happened to stumble across some toy from my childhood. How'd it escape the lawnmower, I don't know. What I'm really wondering is what the hell it is... I think it's a M.U.S.C.L.E., because I knew my Monsters in My Pocket. Of course, M.U.S.C.L.E.s are supposed to be fleshy colored right? So which one is it?
A M.U.S.C.L.E.: 20%
A Monster in My Pocket: 15%
A Tiki Gawd: 10%
Some cheap shit...: 25%
I don't know...: 0%
I don't care. BRING ON THE BEER!!!: 30%
COLLEGE
Well I'm back on campus, and I'm wondering what everyone else is thinking. Yeah, I'm still bored. God save me. Excited about college?
Yes: 3%
No: 1%
BRING ON THE BEER!: 90% (Thanks, Cyrus)
BRING ON THE SEX!: 1%
I don't go to college, you punk suckah: 1%
MY DORM ROOM
For the bored and curious, coming from the bored and curious... The following pictures are what my future dorm room is gonna be like. 18x16 cubic feet, A/C, suite-style bathrooms, sink in each room. I just wanna know your take on it... yeah, I'm bored...
You fucking, lucky bastard! Can I throw a Roman orgy in there?: 37%
Meh, mine is better. Loser.: 27%
Who is that man there? He scares me... 34%
POLITICS
Who'd win in a war between France and Brasil?
France, cuz all Brasil has is 2 Ronaldos and Xuxa: 5%
Brasil, cuz France would probably surrender like they always do: 63%
Phil, just cuz...: 31%
ALCOHOL
So Saturday night I get word that a lot of my friends, each at their own individual get-togethers, decided it'd be cool to drink... cuz, you know, all the popular kids are doing it, so why shouldn't you? Anyway, this week's question asks: get wasted or mildly intoxicated this summer? Such a lush... *shakes head*
Yes: 23%
No: 70%
I don't know, I'm too drunk right now to answer this!!!!11 slf3: 5%
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